Dumped

There may come a time in one’s life (indeed, sometimes more) when the inevitable happens and you find you have suddenly been dumped by the one you thought would help you cultivate those roses round your door.  Well let’s face it -  even Baby Bio might not be able to help you this time and you have two choices – wallow in self pity or, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and focus on something else.   Read on for a no-nonsense, to-the-point analysis of why you might want to choose the latter.

Before we carry on we should first acknowledge that you’re probably not going to be in a happy place right now so take 1 minute, revel in your depression and put any thoughts of that misery back in the mental cupboard labeled ‘No entry’ . You are not allowed in there anymore, so forget trying to take any depressing trips to that place – we are taking the express train to Happyville. If you find there’s still a few fragments of depressive thoughts lying around, don’t worry -  the dust-buster of change will pick that detritus up later when it’s fully charged.

Coping mechanisms

Being dumped is not nice – we all know this and we all deal with it in different ways. Some of us will lock ourselves away going over and over the reasons why our relationship didn’t work and others will resort to sending ubiquitous text messages to their Ex while switching manically between the sent and received folders on their mobile phone to ensure they haven’t made a mistake and have actually sent the text. While locking yourself away can be perceived as a private way to deal with your grief you also have to consider the time you are wasting going over stuff that’s not going to change anything.

Really it isn’t.

You might be thinking that ‘there’s always a chance’ well if there was, you would have had it wouldn’t you? Going over past  relationships in your mind is a bit like writing a depressing letter and then re-writing it being careful to write directly over the lines you’ve written before. Why would you want to further cement the negative feelings you’ve already experienced? No, take yourself out of repeat mode and throw away that old tape – today is a new day and full of new opportunities that are only going to enrich your life, not sabotage it.  As for the texting, well if you keep on with that you are surely going to set yourself up for a fall. No amount of texts to your Ex, pleading or otherwise self-derogatory will change the situation. There’s one simple sure fire way to prevent this from happening in the future:

Cut the cord. Or put simply, delete ALL details.

Harsh? Too bloody right! Why should you be the one who’s parading round like an emotional leper, emotions dropping off all over the place? Get some pride glue and start cementing while admitting to yourself that you know your energy is better spent on something (or someone) else. Trust us – in a couple of weeks you’ll have moved on. A lot.

Move on & do something/someone else

Oh rebound, oh rebound how we know you. Rebound is like an old friend that we know is bad for us but we find comfort in their naughty and sometimes destructive ways.  Ok, we are not advocating a full on sex fest with the world and his dog (Dog optional) but you know, sometimes a little distraction can be a good thing. Let’s face it, your confidence has received a bashing so it’s your god given right to have a bit of fun while benefiting from new confidence boosters, whatever form they take. No one’s telling you to actually sleep with anyone but a little flirting can be the equivalent of good lather of Arnica for those emotional bruises. Get out there and flirt – what’s the worst that can happen? You’ve already been dumped so any response can only be better than that can’t it?

Conclusion

As we said, harsh advice but honest advice none-the-less. You are the master of your destiny and if you want to spend your remaining days swimming in the sea of misery then that’s fine. If you’re a strong swimmer you’ll eventually get out but if not, you’ll keep sinking time and time again. You could of course choose more positive waters and learn a new stroke before you dive in and that way you’ll avoid the sharks that frequent the warmer waters.

Just do it.