Speed dating organizers
Before you join up to a speed dating event, consider the company that is hosting it – a little time spent researching the organization will ensure that you are attending a well publicized event with the right type of people you want to meet. Check if the company is a member of any trade associations or indeed, part of a bigger company.  Ask yourself how well (and where) the event was advertised – do they advertise on sex websites in order to bring in the punters or do they advertise on dating sites that you might have already tried? Is it a purely local event and do you run the risk of running into your uncle Fred or worse still, your Gynecologist. Don’t be afraid to ask how participants are found and where they come from as it can make all the difference in improving your chances in getting some good contacts at the event itself.

Dress to impress
Choose your event outfit carefully as first impressions make a big impact in the Speed dating environment. Remember you are not in nightclub and on the pull so dress for the person you want to attract. There’s no point in complaining that your speed daters only wanted to get into your pants if you were dressed like a poll dancer or are sporting a John Holmes thong.  Keeping the goodies under wraps displaying just a hint of what might be available ensures you give suitors the incentive to find out what more lies underneath!

Conversation is crucial
You are going to a Speed dating event with the intention of meeting some nice daters and you should be prepared to talk with (emphasis on ‘with’) people. Do a little bit of preparation and create some questions before you attend the event. Better still, impress your would-be-suitors by memorizing the questions instead of reading them off a list. You might want to think of some slightly flirty questions for the people you really like and some long answer type questions for the people you’re not that keen on. You should also ask open questions that begin ‘ Describe for me what.., what do think of…,When did  you last..’ and so on. Questions that have only a yes or no answer will cut the conversation short and you’ll have to do more work!

Remain independent
Try to keep to the subject (you) and avoid talking about your job, kids or your ex (no no!) instead, think of some of your strengths and practice how you are going to present these to anyone who asks – you’ll appear more confident and a lot more interesting if you can give your suitor a better insight into the type of person you are rather than the job you do.

Sobriety. Be careful how much alcohol you consumer before and during the event as there is no greater turn off (and big warning sign) than someone who is already drunk BEFORE they have even gone on a date! The same applies to taking drugs – if you hit the Columbian marching powder you’ll come across as a manic banshee and people WILL notice. Obviously, avoid getting stoned or you’ll forget why you’re there in the first place and in the worst case scenario, fall asleep at your table.

Laughter lubricates. Everyone likes a smile, everyone likes to laugh – simple things but the stress of an interview environment can cause people to freeze up, instantly sending the wrong message.  Keep you smile real as your eyes will give you away if you plaster a manic grin on your face.  If you don’t find something funny, a quick smirk and change of conversation will steer you onto a funnier subject that can be promptly introduced by you.

Personal space. We all have our personal space and when someone charges in, it can throw us off balance and you might want to consider this during the event. You are already sat very close to a stranger and even though there is a table between you, personal space still matters. Keep your legs under your chair and avoid playing footsie until your next date. Do not touch the hands of your suitor unless invited (watch their body language!) a firm handshake (not a vice-like grip) at the end of your meeting will help show you appreciation of your meeting.

Body works. Ladies – keep your make-up natural and light as too much will hide any natural blushing in your face. Think also about the venue you are going to be in and add/remove before the event starts (Venue lighting can make you appear like a Vegas showgirl if you’ve plastered it on and the lights are bright)

Men – shave or at the very least, trim as there are very few women who want to kiss Grizzly Adams. Keeping your face clear of unsightly facial hair will help the person focus on one of the most visual of sexual organs – your lips. Use them wisely and not as clear warning that you’ll sand any potential dates’ face off.

Body language

As it’s highly likely you are going to be sat behind a table during the main event , concentrate on getting your body language right and start thinking from the waist up as only the upper part of your body is going to be visible and for a limited timeframe.  Lean in towards your date to indicate you are interested in what is being said and maintain good eye contact while listening. Never cross your arms unless you really want to put off your suitor. Sit upright -  as well helping you concentrate on what is being said and projecting a clearer voice, you’ll appear more attractive and your cleavage/chest will be lifted substantially! Women -If you want to flirt, play with your hair a little. Chances are you’ll be doing this already if someone is attractive to you but don’t go overboard as you’re suitor will think you have a nervous tick. Men – cock your head to one side to show you are listening – women like a man who pays attention.

Keep notes &Follow up!
In the midst of all the action, remember to keep notes  about the person who you have just met. When the event is in full swing, it’s easy to forget the write a number and comment down. Keep it simple by using smiley’s as your key or better still, define some simple, coded drawings (in advance) to record how you felt about a certain person.  If you receive any requests for further contact after the event, you’ll have a much easier time if you know how/why you graded the person you are meeting. If you forget to write enough detail down and you’re not sure, go along to the date anyway – what have you got to lose? The other person thought you were great and that’s already 50% of the battle won – so just do it

There you go, a few chosen pointers to ‘keep you on your toes’ during your Speed dating experience! Remember to relax by taking slow deep breaths and you’ll come across as cool as a cucumber with a fleet of admirers in no time.

No sir, sitting there and feeling sorry for yourself is not going to sort anything out so if you find yourself bursting into tears every time you see an couple holding hands read on..

Fill your face – works a treat this one and you’ll feel so satisfied you’ll forget that you need a partner, just some chocolate to complete the nosh-fest.

Start the Atkins Diet – After eating your weight in cow for a couple of days, your breath will tell that you should stay away from people (and not to come out again until you’ve lost at least 5lbs)

Search out an unhappy celebrity on the net – Everyone likes to know that there is an underdog among us and what better mood booster than finding the latest celebrity who’s going through a meltdown.
After all, some hard-earned cash has contributed to their happiness so we want to see a little misery as part of the bargain.

Hire a pet – Foster a dog or cat. We guarantee that after a week of cleaning up its crap you’ll be happy you never bought one. Better still, buy a virtual pet keyring and take the battery out just before it’s first birthday. The cyber-mortality issues will distract you to the point of madness and in no time at all, you’ll forget that you’ve been watching Bridget Jones for the 100^th time.

Find a photograph of an ex and stick it to the inside lid of your bin. At least that way, when you’ve finished filling your face from our first suggestion you’ll at least see their face heading south into the remainder of the food-fest you are now feeling guilty about.

Pretend you’ve just dumped someone – Focusing on making someone imaginary miserable will distract you from your self-loathing and you’ll get some practice in should the situation ever arise. Quite handy indeed.

Get a one person bed -  Takes up less space and you’ll get used to it soon enough.

Photobomb someone’s romantic moment – who said they can’t have an open relationship? Go on, get in there and spoil that picture of happiness!  If you’re lucky, your face will appear on Photobomb and you’ll be world famous!

Buy some porn and learn something new about to ‘do it’ the professional way. At the very least, you’ll be prepared for your next encounter and my, what an encounter that will be.

Browse an internet dating site and look for people who you think are way too attractive for you. Write a few practice messages and imagine what your first date would be like.  If you found that easy enough, actually send one of the messages. As the great sage, Susan Jeffers once said ‘ Feel the fear and do it anyway’.

We know there are many more intelligent ‘coping mechanisms’ out there so why not give us a few of yours?

“What rubbish!” I hear you cry – surely kindness and acceptance are key foundations of a good relationship? Well I agree in part, but the comment did start me thinking about how this might be possible. Before I elaborate further, I should point out that I’m not one of those people who hang off their lover like a love sick puppy and I’m most definitely not clingy. I am however; a person who is willing to make a reasonable effort at building a new relationship and will try to accommodate the needs and preferences of my lover – after all, that’s what we are all supposed to do isn’t it? What better way to demonstrate your affection than being all things to all men.

But what if one is too accommodating?

What if, by actually trying to fulfil many of the desires of a partner, I inadvertently worked too hard, and in the process, left my lover with nothing to work for? It actually makes sense when you think about it. What motivation does one’s partner have to contribute to the relationship if the other party is pulling out all the stops and doing the work for them? Gone is the motivation to actually do anything and in is the opportunity to find fault with what is placed in front of them.

On the flip side one could argue that by doing nothing or suddenly reducing the amount of effort we put in, we might risk losing the very relationship we want to attain, but what constitutes too much or too little effort? And how do we know when to stop doing all the work?

After contemplating my own behaviour in previous (and what I would consider unsuccessful) relationships, I started thinking about the types of accommodating behaviour that could be considered risky and quite honestly, I don’t think it’s the type of behaviour that was the real issue, it was actually an acute need to be liked by the other person. We all want to be liked and as such, we know deep down that if we act a certain way, people will like us.  From an early age we learn how to be accepted and throughout our lives we try to perfect that skill. If someone we happen to fall for doesn’t operate at the same level, does our innate desire to be liked manifest itself in our being ‘too nice’?

If I could change the past I don’t think I’d change what I did for my past lovers  but rather, concentrate on what they actually did for me. If one is putting too much effort into being liked then clearly the relationship is not fulfilling one’s basic needs and one should bail if the situation continues or risk being the one who does all the work for little or no return.

What do you think?

So what exactly defines an Ex booty call?

Well put simply, an Ex Booty call is the moment you lose all self control (usually after drinking you weight in freebie purple-coloured shots while out on the town) and send a communication to an ex for a moment of forget-me-not passion. In the very worst scenario, the intended recipient will be someone you’ve met last weekend and whose number you should have clearly deleted. Booty calls come in all shapes and sizes and thanks to advances in technology, they are instantly and (unfortunately) delivered the moment your brain disengages with your finger.
They can range from the subtle “I just thought I’d call you and see how you’re doing” to the shameful “Whose voice was that on YOUR answer phone” and our all time favourite, “I still love you and want you back” type of public humiliation.

Not big, not clever and ultimately regrettable.

So why do they happen?

Well to begin with, the majority of Ex booty calls take place when we are under the influence of something called alcohol.  The type of alcohol has no relevance here but the quantity certainly does.  The more you consume, the more likely you are to make that shame-inducing telecommunication.  And boy-oh-boy, there’s nothing like a bit of morning-after shame added to your already bitter hangover. Alcohol is like your friends – great when around but can’t help you in the morning when you are pinned under the arm of the muppet who’s been the cause of your grief over the last few tormented months.  You try to leave quietly but it’s too late – you’ve exchanged god-knows-what bodily fluids and now you ultimately have to take that walk of shame in your baggy knee’d hot pants looking like Alice cooper with a bad makeover.

What are the warning signs?

If you are one of the few ‘fortunates’, you will have lost your purse/coat/phone/mind and thus have been unable to navigate your way to your exes house by the light of the silvery moon while hobbling undaintedly on the one remaining heal that’s now dragging behind you like the relationship you know you should forget.

However.

If by some miracle you may have actually have made it to the middle of the taxi rank, demanded priority place at the front of the still-dancing queue people as you weepily tell bemused townies that your emotional future depends on you making this journey to the heart to Bolton (with 50p you begged off a tramp) to tell your ex that it’s all been a big mistake and you regret not agreeing to an open relationship.

Are text messages safe?

Maybe you are one of the many who prefer the more subtle approaches to shame and take advantage of that re-readable, forwardable and ultimate of booty call communications – the text message.That seemingly innocuous abbreviated set of characters you pawed into your Bacardi soaked, sugar pink Missy60 mobile might seem a wonderful method of re-announcing your undying love (once you have realised you have to type the words in and that it cannot read your emotional state) but it’s a Trojan horse!  That innocent looking purse-sized accessory is a primed emotional missile just waiting to be launched and after one drink too many, you risk priming that nuclear head-hack and sending it to its ultimately  and regrettable destination.

What is the worst case scenario?

At the very worst, you may have convinced yourself that there must have been an atomic storm and all the mobile satellites circling harmlessly in the night sky have been knocked out. So what do you do? You send another text but this time, you try to remember what you wrote in your last one (in case one satellite survived) and say it again using CAPITALS. Let’s face it, sending messages in capitals tells your ex you ARE drunk and are not only incapable of finding the lower case option but lack the sobriety to realistically discuss the reasons why you should get back together one more time. But no, you are not convinced – your message must have gone into the ethos and so you decide in your blurry haze to try and find your way to his place and by sheer luck, find yourself outside his front door in the middle of the night, feeling suddenly sober and out of place stood next to his bin. In a sober(ish) moment you realise where you are and decide not to hammer on his door so hard that you leave one of your (remaining) false glitter nails embedded into his door. You see his Wheelie bin and you look at it with different eyes (the good one) and so begins the paranoia. What if there is some evidence of his infidelity within his trash?You know you shouldn’t and surely god help you, you couldn’t. Half way into his wheelie bin, and without having found that crucial piece of evidence you sense that you have an audience. It’s your ex’s mum and she’s been looking after his goldfish while he has been on holiday with his mates, hence why you didn’t get a text reply when you ‘ demanded’ it .

Oops.

Our advice would be not to drink or at least tell the friends you are with, to watch out for the signs of Booty Call hysteria and should you mention the name of your Ex more than three times within any consecutive minute, pack you off in a taxi so you can go home and write in your Diary. Even though you’ll have a hangover from hell the next morning, you will be in a much better state to ponder just how close you came to embarrassing yourself beyond redemption and you won’t do it again. Hopefully.

Headline

Creating a profile heading that reflects your personality is crucial and if you want to attract the right suitor, make it accurate! There’s no point in declaring to the world that you are a ‘dirty girty from number thirty’ when you spend your time nursing injured kittens at the local RSPCA! Keep it honest and if you can’t back it up – don’t put it online! Of course, there’s nothing wrong with a little elaboration and you can adopt some creativity to attract the suitor you desire.

Photos

Let’s start with the photo you are considering uploading. We cannot count the number of times we have seen awful, badly lit photographs online.  In this age of the digital camera and free imaging software, there is simply no excuse to upload a darkened, out of focus and poor quality photo.  If you don’t have any decent digital photos, find a printed one and get it scanned to a cd at your local copy centre. For the cost of a glass of wine, you’ll have a set of decent photos that can be used time and time again.  Review the photo after  you put it online and ask yourself honestly, if you were looking for someone and you came across this picture, would you be impressed by the quality of the picture? If your answer is no, get a few more pictures and ask your friends to vote on the best one, upload again and stick to it.
Another consideration with online photos is that you should stick to the subject – you. Don’t include your friend/teddy/gonk on the picture unless you are intending they will be going on any potential dates with you as that’s how it will appear to the person viewing the picture.  While you might love your teddy, your potential dates might be put off and see you as a bit immature and may decide not to contact you. Exclude the teddy for now and introduce it once you are well and truly smitten with each other and you never know, the teddy may well be resigned to the bottom of the bed from then on!

Facts and figures

Fill everything in! Many dating websites match you on the basis of your interests so why exclude yourself from potential date by entering nothing? At the same time, don’t go overboard or your potential date will have nothing to ask say if they contact you.  Read the profiles of the types of people you want to date and take some time to investigate what they find interesting – you never know, you might actually like the music they’ve listed and then you can honestly add it to your profile and in turn, add another hook on which to tempt a potential date. Remember! Don’t repeat these facts and figures in your written profile – potential suitors have already read this information and want to find out more about you, not the same stuff re-phrased.

Identify the people who will help you

First take a long hard critical look at your social circle and ask yourself which of your friends are in a position to help you meet new people? Now before you admit defeat and tell yourself that all your friends are in relationships and there’s no point think again, and much harder this time. Unless you establish who’s going to bat on your side in the first place, how can you begin? Don’t rule out friends who are already in relationships – contrary to belief, people in relationships do maintain social links and if even if they personally do not know anyone single, there is a good chance that one of their other friends will. Remember that friends who are already in relationship are not in direct competition, as perhaps a single friend might be.

Take a long hard look in the mirror

Look at your previous dating behavior and being  as critical as you can, write down your successes/failures including details of how you met these people. Ok, you might not have met these people through friends but you can still re-purpose any successes and draw upon the experiences when if,  eventually you do.  Getting to knowing yourself is often something that we overlook and yet it is one of the most important starting points in getting what you want.

Make your wishes known

Unless you tell your friends you are seriously looking to meet someone, how the hell are they going to know? Complaining about being single is not the same as making it clear that you are actively looking to meet someone. Ask your friends to verbally chastise you every time you moan about being single and ask them to remind you about your new regime. Don’t be embarrassed to ask – everyone has been/might be single and you never know when your friends will need your help (gently remind your friends of that fact) Ask everyone and anyone who is your friend and tell them exactly what you are looking for. Your friends are not mind readers and if they are going to help you, they’ll at least be looking at the right kind of people for you.

Tag-along tactics

Think about the opportunities that are out there and then think again – there are many situations where your friends can help by inviting you along to their social events.

Work Parties – Not everyone likes going to these so why not volunteer to keep you friend company and meet some new people in the process? Just because your friend has no romantic interest in her colleagues, it doesn’t mean you are not going to find one of them attractive? Office parties are notorious for bringing people together and as the new person, it’ll be you who’s considered as the safer bet than another colleague.

Parties – get your friends to invite you to parties they have been invited to. Most hosts will gladly welcome new people as it helps improve the group dynamic and their existing friends are more likely to remember the event if there are new and exciting people (you) there. If hosts know single people will be attending, it will spur them on to invite other singles as well, resulting in a better mix all round.

Partners only nights out – Call your ‘coupled’  friends to arrange a fun night out (partners not allowed) and find a different venue for every time you do it. As well as reaffirming your existing friendships, you are getting yourself out and about and increasing the chance of meeting someone, especially if you are the only exclusively available person in the group.

Let your friends choose for you

Set your friends a challenge by asking them to identify at least one person they know who might be a interesting match for you and arrange an event where you are both invited.  Why not go a step further and see if any of your friends can arrange a blind date for you? You have as much chance of meeting someone great as you have by doing nothing so get over your inhibitions and see what happens.  You might also want to ask friends with partners if they have single friends, chances are they do and their partner’s friend will be up for a meet as well.

Be willing to try

Nobody got anywhere without a little effort and you should never forget this. Sure you can tell yourself that you’d rather die than embarrass yourself by asking for help from your friends (and their friends) but at the end of the day, doing nothing will get you exactly that – nothing. If your friends do come up with the goods and arrange a date for you, never turn down the opportunity as you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot and your friends will think twice about helping you again. Don’t be defeated if your date is not what you wanted, you might gain a new friend instead (and with that, a whole new set of potential dates)

Review & change your tactics

Don’t take the defeatist stance if your first attempts turn out a little disappointing, learn from the experience and ask yourself what you can change to make the next situation work for you. Keeping a diary of your experiences will enable you to maintain a record of what worked/did not work for you and once you get into the swing of things, you’ll be thinking of new and different ways in which your friends can further assist you in finding a new mate. Don’t be afraid to evaluate your friends efforts and don’t spend time persuading friends who are hopeless at helping you. If your friends cannot help you, make an effort to make new friends but whatever you – don’t give up! Being realistic and having the courage to evaluate your experiences helps you develop a more rounded personality so even if you don’t meet someone immediately, you will definitely be growing as a person meaning you will have much more to offer a new person when you do.

Enjoy the experience

Meeting new people is meant to be a fun activity and you should always try to remember this. Be aware that being proactive and learning from the experience of meeting new people will boost your confidence and make you much more attractive to people around you. The more people you meet, you more you learn about how to talk with people and in no time you’ll be an expert at conversation and establishing what you want or don’t want.

So what are you waiting for?

Before we carry on we should first acknowledge that you’re probably not going to be in a happy place right now so take 1 minute, revel in your depression and put any thoughts of that misery back in the mental cupboard labeled ‘No entry’ . You are not allowed in there anymore, so forget trying to take any depressing trips to that place – we are taking the express train to Happyville. If you find there’s still a few fragments of depressive thoughts lying around, don’t worry -  the dust-buster of change will pick that detritus up later when it’s fully charged.

Coping mechanisms

Being dumped is not nice – we all know this and we all deal with it in different ways. Some of us will lock ourselves away going over and over the reasons why our relationship didn’t work and others will resort to sending ubiquitous text messages to their Ex while switching manically between the sent and received folders on their mobile phone to ensure they haven’t made a mistake and have actually sent the text. While locking yourself away can be perceived as a private way to deal with your grief you also have to consider the time you are wasting going over stuff that’s not going to change anything.

Really it isn’t.

You might be thinking that ‘there’s always a chance’ well if there was, you would have had it wouldn’t you? Going over past  relationships in your mind is a bit like writing a depressing letter and then re-writing it being careful to write directly over the lines you’ve written before. Why would you want to further cement the negative feelings you’ve already experienced? No, take yourself out of repeat mode and throw away that old tape – today is a new day and full of new opportunities that are only going to enrich your life, not sabotage it.  As for the texting, well if you keep on with that you are surely going to set yourself up for a fall. No amount of texts to your Ex, pleading or otherwise self-derogatory will change the situation. There’s one simple sure fire way to prevent this from happening in the future:

Cut the cord. Or put simply, delete ALL details.

Harsh? Too bloody right! Why should you be the one who’s parading round like an emotional leper, emotions dropping off all over the place? Get some pride glue and start cementing while admitting to yourself that you know your energy is better spent on something (or someone) else. Trust us – in a couple of weeks you’ll have moved on. A lot.

Move on & do something/someone else

Oh rebound, oh rebound how we know you. Rebound is like an old friend that we know is bad for us but we find comfort in their naughty and sometimes destructive ways.  Ok, we are not advocating a full on sex fest with the world and his dog (Dog optional) but you know, sometimes a little distraction can be a good thing. Let’s face it, your confidence has received a bashing so it’s your god given right to have a bit of fun while benefiting from new confidence boosters, whatever form they take. No one’s telling you to actually sleep with anyone but a little flirting can be the equivalent of good lather of Arnica for those emotional bruises. Get out there and flirt – what’s the worst that can happen? You’ve already been dumped so any response can only be better than that can’t it?

Conclusion

As we said, harsh advice but honest advice none-the-less. You are the master of your destiny and if you want to spend your remaining days swimming in the sea of misery then that’s fine. If you’re a strong swimmer you’ll eventually get out but if not, you’ll keep sinking time and time again. You could of course choose more positive waters and learn a new stroke before you dive in and that way you’ll avoid the sharks that frequent the warmer waters.

Just do it.

Signs that love is in the air

Most of us aspire to developing a loving relationship and when we find someone who shows potential, we naturally want to establish if our apprentice-like significant other feels the same way as we do.
But how can we gain access to their intentions without appearing like we’re the type to have already booked the church for the wedding the moment things start look positive? In other words, how do we find out without asking. What are the signs ,tricks & pitfalls and to make it worth our while? Read on and learn how to find out if love is in the air…

Establishing if it is worth the effort

The type of date you already have on your arm will heavily determine whether you should give cupid a swift kick up the ass or indeed, walk away. If you are dating a married man, you might as well admit defeat right now as the only ring you’re likely to get is a sore one. No, alas married types might tell you they love you but they just have to get over this little problem of having a wife. Harsh advice that’s true, but let’s face it, if you think there is any future in that kind of relationship you are clearly mad and need to undergo urgent treatment for Mills and Boom Syndrome.
You might be considering whether your casual sex buddy is showing any love potential but to be brutally honest, if you actually have a casual sex buddy, you’ve kind of established that you’re just in it for the sex and there’s pretty much no going back from that point once his mental picture of you is a vagina on demand.  Safe bets you might want to consider include people you’ve been on a date with at least 6 times and who have not asked if you have a younger older sister (or brother – in which case, you should move on quickly unless you need someone to redecorate your house). Being honest with yourself about the type of person you are seeing will save you more hassle than you know.

What to look out for

There are a number of signs that love is in the air and paying a little attention during your time together will help you ascertain if you are onto a winner or simply barking up the wrong tree.
More obvious signs include people who buy you expensive gifts and are extremely flash with their cash. It’s highly likely these types will be in it for one thing – sex. Thoughtful gifts such as wine and chocolate and more chocolate can show a romantic tendency on their part so try not to put your date off by scoffing the lot in one go. The other side to this sweet trip could easily be that your quest is actually a ‘Feeder’ and has already started planning how to reinforce your bed when you’ve reached ideal ‘plumpdom’. Monitor how much he tries to feed you or face life as Gilbert Grape’s mother with a daily thigh polishing. Surprise trips are also a great indicator of growing affection, especially transatlantic ones and to be honest, any trip is better than your date producing two dodgy -looking tabs of acid.
We should also make it clear that if your date has starting passing wind or seems to feel at ease picking their nose in your company, you should walk away right now. That type of sign is only acceptable if it comes from your dog.

How to ask without actually asking

Remembering to be subtle will go a long way in helping you acquire the information you require and you should avoid actually asking a direct question to establish love levels.  Instead, focus your efforts on getting a positive reaction. By that, we refer to telling him about the other men in your life to gage his  reaction and not, asking him what he thinks of a threesome.  If he shows signs of mild jealously then it’s likely he’s pretty hooked. If he starts throwing chairs around, escape via the nearest available exit.
If he starts asking for their numbers he’s probably gay so thank him kindly and milk him for the latest beauty tips before sending him on his way before he steals your copy of Hello magazine.

Secrets and lies

Don’t be fooled into thinking this quest for love affirmation is going to be easy , for upon that road ahead lie a few wrong turns. False positives, things that look like they are the best thing since sliced bread lurk everywhere.  Consider the man who displays every sign he’s in love, reacts positively and buys you just the right amount of chocolate. If might appear that this man loves you but watch out! A man who gives you everything you could wish for within the first few weeks of seeing each other may have got your details from your sex buddy. Or worse still, your sex buddy’s dad. Use your instinct and if you find yourself doing all the work and getting very little back, accept that your quest of love might be better targeted in another direction.

Going for gold

Of course, knowing if you are actually in love yourself does help. Well quite a lot actually so give some thought to the aforementioned false negatives -  do any of them apply to you? Are you stringing anyone along?

Now there’s a thought.

The old ex story – God, this a real downer during a date! Who wants to know about your ex during a date? The moment you start talking about past relationships you might as well pull out a tick list and get your date to fill it in. Your date will immediately start to think that you are comparing them to your past dates as this is a major confidence saboteur. Besides boring your date with your tales of woe, talking about your old relationships gives your date the impression that you are not someone who easily lets go and you have all the early warning signs of a bunny boiler.

Punctuality – You’ve made an appointment at a given time and place and unless you’ve been run over by a bus, turn up on time. Turning up late and using the excuse of ‘a ladies prerogative’ only presents a bad image and belongs in the Victorian lady book of dating habits. If you know you are going to be hideously late, call your date and apologise in advance and you’ll end up looking much better in the long run.

Body Language – Use of incorrect body language such as crossed arms or legs crossed away from your date can indicate to your date that you are not that interested. Poor eye contact also tells your date that you are not interested in what they are telling you or that you may have a squint. Avoid putting your handbag on your lap in front of you as unless your date turns out to be a designer from Chloe, you’ll be hiding your groin region and you’ll risk looking like Dick Emery.

Big fish – Telling a few porky-pies is a sure way to come unstuck with your date. As well as appearing boastful and ridiculous, you will undoubtedly forget what you’ve said and slip up on the next date giving the impression that you are willing to try and impress at any cost. Never try to impress your date with fake tales as one day you may well have to prove them. If you’ve lied about being a glamour model and he sees you are wearing your Bridget-Jones-esq knickers when undressing for bed he’ll begin to contemplate if actually you modelled for ‘Reader’s wives’ instead.

Personal space – Some people are simply not aware of personal space and paw their date beyond belief. Ok so you are on a date and maybe you will/might end up in bed together eventually but you are not there yet. Sitting too close & touching your date constantly can make you look over-keen and to be honest, a bit cheap. Men like the chase and if you’re going to rough-up your date or sit in their lap within the first few minutes then you’re giving your date cart blanch to treat you as the trollop you are imitating.

Too much talk – Conversation can be sweet but if you talk too much there’s a good chance that you’ll bore the pants of your date. Too much talking can make you look like you are nervous which, while not a bad thing, risks presenting your date with a bit too much information before they need it.

Getting too drunk – An obvious one and a habit that will surely send out the wrong message – especially if you blurt out too muchinformation after downing the best part of a bottle of wine. Unless you have the liver of an Ox, drink water between alcoholic drinks to ensure you remain sober and keep your knickers well and truly on.

Mobiles – placing your mobile on the table during a date sends out a very clear message to your date and that is ‘While I’m here with you, I’m not going to miss any chance of something better happening on my mobile’ - turn the sound down, put it away and only check it (if you really must) when your date has nipped to loo.

Bringing along your friend – Bringing along a friend on your date indicates only one thing to a man. Threesome. Unless you are willing to come up with the goods, leave your friend at home or risk being jilted because your date fancies your friend and not you.

Now you have an idea of dating bad you might want to make some changes to your dating habits. While we cannot guarantee you’ll live happily ever after when absorbing these tips, you will at the very least give a positive impression on the journey and you never know, your date might even want to come back for more!

Looking for some good dating habits? Read Dating Good and you’ll be right as rain in no time!

Tired of looking for a date? Think you’ve run out of options? Think again!
Read on and see what other possibilities there are..

Go out – simple eh? Unless you’re expecting dates to come knocking at your door how else do you expect to find a perfect partner? Don’t stick to your local bars and clubs – try new places. As well as meeting a fresh set of potential suitors, new venues can give you a sense of adventure and you’ll be surprised at how much confidence you’ll gain as well as being the new kid in town.

Join an internet dating site – a few million people can’t be wrong! There are so many dating websites that cater for practically every need. Find a couple of websites and check out the quality of the members – are they your type/age/social background? If you don’t see something you like right away, join another one and look again. The key to successful online dating is knowing that you’re going to stand a much better chance of meeting your type if you are a member of more than one dating website. Try the DateGeneration website and see who is out there!

Use your social network – they say that there are six steps between everyone in the world – if that’s the case, why not use your social network to find out who’s available? Asking your friends if they know someone suitable for you doesn’t mean you are desperate, it means you are proactive. If one of your friends comes up trumps, your date will be impressed that you took the lead in finding what you wanted. For more about this activity- read ‘Utilizing your friends to generate dates’

Attend a speed dating event – sometimes it’s all about numbers and that means you have to be one of them. Speed dating is great fun and even if you don’t hit it off with every single speed dater, you will have come away from the experience more confident, knowledgeable and your communication skills will be greatly refined.

Go cruising – We’re not suggesting you hang about the park in a Basque or anything silly like that but that sometimes, a little flirting on the go can yield impressive results. Take for instance your local gym – a perfect place to see others in their prime and you can easily play the ‘dumb blond’ card by asking men if they know how the bendy-backwards machine works. Cheesy? Of course! But who said finding a date had to be boring? Men don’t expect to be picked up by a woman and if you’re in there with a funny pick up line or ‘appear’ to be in need of ‘help’ then you are going to get what you want with a bit of exercise thrown in.

Join a club – A club with an emphasis upon interactivity or better still, bodily contact. Don’t limit yourself to Salsa dancing where there are more women than men, instead, find an activity which will present you with a challenge that falls outside your comfort zone. Participating in an activity outside your normal comfort zone boosts your confidence and people will pick up on this.

Hunt within Facebook/Myspace. Have you got an account? Get one and get online. Social websites are probably the easiest ways to peruse a wide range of potential dates and depending on your links with certain friends, you’ll be able to see if someone is single or not. Asking your friends in your network for information about one of their friends will provide better results than simply expecting your friends to find a potential lover for you. After all, only extremely supportive friends will have your dating agenda on their mind so you have to be the proactive one and ask them about the good looking friend of a friend.

Take a trip – Do this by yourself or with others, either way, like a new bar or club, you’ll be out of your normal comfort zone and more likely to tackle new situations. You don’t have to conduct yourself in the same way as Shirley Valentine but practicing your man-hunting skills on people you’re not likely to meet again is a sure safe bet. A bit of sun, some wine and relaxing all makes for the perfect romantic recipe and you’ll be surprised at the response people give.

Ask your parents – don’t rule this one out just yet! Ok, so you mum might still think Cliff Richard is the hottest thing ever but if she’s got a group of friends, there is a high chance that one of them will have offspring who’ll be looking for a date. Being clear about what type you are looking for will help narrow down the search and ensure Michael Bolton doesn’t turn up on your doorstep.

Stop looking for a date – what? Yes, if you are desperately looking for a date there’s a good chance you’ll be giving off a scent and one that makes other people avoid getting to know you. Don’t forget for one minute that we are still animals and we give off more than we know. Try not to think about dating for a week or so and concentrate on doing some other activity with you (not your ideal date) firmly in the centre of the activity. As well as giving you some respite, you’ll be surprised at the number of opportunities that arise once you take yourself off the waiting shelf and instead, become one of the people who are not desperately searching but instead, getting on with life. If you don’t believe us, take a look around you and notice how much attention men pay to women who are not waving the come-and-get-me-I’m-gagging flag.