There may come a time in your dating life when it feels like you have exhausted every dating route possible and ‘the shelf’ is looking like a distinct, high up reality. But fear not! – you still have a wonderful resource at your disposal – your friends. These people can be your best asset when looking to meet new people and with a little guidance, they will help you in many more ways that you’d ever though they could!
Identify the people who will help you
First take a long hard critical look at your social circle and ask yourself which of your friends are in a position to help you meet new people? Now before you admit defeat and tell yourself that all your friends are in relationships and there’s no point think again, and much harder this time. Unless you establish who’s going to bat on your side in the first place, how can you begin? Don’t rule out friends who are already in relationships – contrary to belief, people in relationships do maintain social links and if even if they personally do not know anyone single, there is a good chance that one of their other friends will. Remember that friends who are already in relationship are not in direct competition, as perhaps a single friend might be.
Take a long hard look in the mirror
Look at your previous dating behavior and being as critical as you can, write down your successes/failures including details of how you met these people. Ok, you might not have met these people through friends but you can still re-purpose any successes and draw upon the experiences when if, eventually you do. Getting to knowing yourself is often something that we overlook and yet it is one of the most important starting points in getting what you want.
Make your wishes known
Unless you tell your friends you are seriously looking to meet someone, how the hell are they going to know? Complaining about being single is not the same as making it clear that you are actively looking to meet someone. Ask your friends to verbally chastise you every time you moan about being single and ask them to remind you about your new regime. Don’t be embarrassed to ask – everyone has been/might be single and you never know when your friends will need your help (gently remind your friends of that fact) Ask everyone and anyone who is your friend and tell them exactly what you are looking for. Your friends are not mind readers and if they are going to help you, they’ll at least be looking at the right kind of people for you.
Tag-along tactics
Think about the opportunities that are out there and then think again – there are many situations where your friends can help by inviting you along to their social events.
Work Parties – Not everyone likes going to these so why not volunteer to keep you friend company and meet some new people in the process? Just because your friend has no romantic interest in her colleagues, it doesn’t mean you are not going to find one of them attractive? Office parties are notorious for bringing people together and as the new person, it’ll be you who’s considered as the safer bet than another colleague.
Parties – get your friends to invite you to parties they have been invited to. Most hosts will gladly welcome new people as it helps improve the group dynamic and their existing friends are more likely to remember the event if there are new and exciting people (you) there. If hosts know single people will be attending, it will spur them on to invite other singles as well, resulting in a better mix all round.
Partners only nights out – Call your ‘coupled’ friends to arrange a fun night out (partners not allowed) and find a different venue for every time you do it. As well as reaffirming your existing friendships, you are getting yourself out and about and increasing the chance of meeting someone, especially if you are the only exclusively available person in the group.
Let your friends choose for you
Set your friends a challenge by asking them to identify at least one person they know who might be a interesting match for you and arrange an event where you are both invited. Why not go a step further and see if any of your friends can arrange a blind date for you? You have as much chance of meeting someone great as you have by doing nothing so get over your inhibitions and see what happens. You might also want to ask friends with partners if they have single friends, chances are they do and their partner’s friend will be up for a meet as well.
Be willing to try
Nobody got anywhere without a little effort and you should never forget this. Sure you can tell yourself that you’d rather die than embarrass yourself by asking for help from your friends (and their friends) but at the end of the day, doing nothing will get you exactly that – nothing. If your friends do come up with the goods and arrange a date for you, never turn down the opportunity as you’ll be shooting yourself in the foot and your friends will think twice about helping you again. Don’t be defeated if your date is not what you wanted, you might gain a new friend instead (and with that, a whole new set of potential dates)
Review & change your tactics
Don’t take the defeatist stance if your first attempts turn out a little disappointing, learn from the experience and ask yourself what you can change to make the next situation work for you. Keeping a diary of your experiences will enable you to maintain a record of what worked/did not work for you and once you get into the swing of things, you’ll be thinking of new and different ways in which your friends can further assist you in finding a new mate. Don’t be afraid to evaluate your friends efforts and don’t spend time persuading friends who are hopeless at helping you. If your friends cannot help you, make an effort to make new friends but whatever you – don’t give up! Being realistic and having the courage to evaluate your experiences helps you develop a more rounded personality so even if you don’t meet someone immediately, you will definitely be growing as a person meaning you will have much more to offer a new person when you do.
Enjoy the experience
Meeting new people is meant to be a fun activity and you should always try to remember this. Be aware that being proactive and learning from the experience of meeting new people will boost your confidence and make you much more attractive to people around you. The more people you meet, you more you learn about how to talk with people and in no time you’ll be an expert at conversation and establishing what you want or don’t want.
So what are you waiting for?
Just wanted to say hi. I’m new and I like it here so far!!